Walking with the Wise #228: Listening to Truly Live

“Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,

but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.”
—Proverbs 15:32

Not too long ago, a young lady approached me after I finished speaking. She wanted to talk to me about her relationship with her boyfriend. I sat down and listened to her story as she described to me how she had been dating this young man for about six months. The two both claimed to be followers of Christ, but like many young people, they gave into sexual temptation. She didn’t know what to do, she loved him, and described their relationship as many young people do—being in love, understanding one another, and the closeness that they feel. She boldly declared that she would never regret losing her virginity to him, because she truly and honestly loved him.

I tried to be understanding and validate her feelings, but at the same time, I wanted her to understand God’s standards, what years of experience have taught, and the myriad of testimonials of others who live with the nagging feeling of regret. She told me that she would never have regret, and that she had no conviction for what she had done. Hearing her say that brought me pause, because only believers have true conviction. Could it be that she was not a believer? I pressed forward and told her that she was feeling conviction, why else would she be talking to me about it if she didn’t? She tried to rationalize her relationship with him, but I came back and said, with as much love as I possibly could—“It doesn’t matter what you say, I’m afraid. It’s God’s Word that must be the one who speaks to our hearts. And the Bible is unequivocal that what you’ve done is sin in the sight of God.”

I went on to share my own sinful past and spoke about the guilt that is sure to come. I spoke about the many men and women I’ve spoke with over the years who did exactly what she did and have come to regret it, who were now married and lived with the sad knowledge that there was part of themselves that they could never give to their spouse. What they knew as love then and love now are two different things, for the love of youth is poles apart from the love of age. The love of youth is dealing with the flame of love as it erupts over a fire, never experiencing it before, as they take it in with all of its naked passion. There is no true knowledge of who the person is, what they are like, and how to love them with all of their faults. But the fire of age is a different fire. It may not flash as the fire of youth, but it is stronger, much stronger—for it is balanced by the will and not idealized by youthful ignorance. The fire of youth, though potent, is akin to gas on a fire pit: it may flame for a moment, but it dissipates just as quickly. The fire of age is like the coals of a fire pit that glow white-hot. The fire that lasts and that burns over time is that type of fire.

God knows our frame and instructs us to

“…flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart”—2 Timothy 2:22.

He also tells us through His Word “not to stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (cf. Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4), because He knew that once love (i.e., the sexual experience) is awakened it is difficult to stop. The sexual desires we have are powerful, but we must learn how to channel them appropriately in marriage. This is why Paul says that if we can’t exercise self-control in regard to our sexual desires then we should marry:

“But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion”—1 Corinthians 7:9.

I told her that she should get married if she couldn’t control herself, but she replied that this was impossible because she was young and envisioned a career ahead of her. I encouraged her then to stop sleeping with her boyfriend and pursue a relationship that was pure in the sight of God.

I’m not sure what decision she made, but I do know that if she rejected my counsel, she is “despising herself” as today’s proverb teaches us. Not that my words are perfect, but God’s Word is, and it is God’s Word that teaches us how we should live and conduct ourselves as sexual beings. For her to neglect the counsel of the Word of God, she is not only despising herself, but she is guilty of sinning against her own body, as the Bible reveals to us:

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body”—1 Corinthians 6:18.

She lacked the experience of years to truly understand the pain she was bringing upon herself. Sure, it was pleasurable, for God has created it to be so, but when torn from the place of marriage, it will prove to be destructive and painful. God invented sex, and it is to be enjoyed by a husband and wife in the covenant of marriage, representative of the union that He has within Himself as the Triune God, but when done outside the bonds of marriage, it pollutes the representation of who He is, desecrates His temple, and invites God’s swift judgment upon one's life.

Should she have listened to my words, she would have discovered herself gaining wisdom, and learning what it means to truly please God. It was hard for her to understand, especially when her feelings were so powerful. But obedience isn’t always easy, nor understanding the truth that our heart can deceive us (cf. Jeremiah 17:9), when our world is constantly saying that we need to follow our hearts.

Should she read this and see my words, I pray that the truth of the psalmist might become real in her heart:

“How can a young man keep his way pure?
 By guarding it according to Your word”—Psalm 119:9.

I pray that God might awaken her to her rebellious condition before Him and that He might grant her a repentant heart (cf. 2 Timothy 2:25; Acts 11:18) of godly sorrow (cf. 2 Corinthians 7:10), whereby she sees her need of a Savior. I pray that she might surround herself with God’s people, ready to receive the exhortation from the Word of God so that she may not be “hardened by the deceitfulness of sin”—Hebrews 3:13, but rather that she can truly see her sin for what it is—stench in the nostrils of God, for which Christ died to put an end to by ransoming her (cf. 1 Peter 1:18) from it. I pray that she would claim the promise of 1 John 1:9:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”—1 John 1:9.

And I pray that she might see God’s truth as the means by which she might have fullness of joy, not the “fleeting pleasures of sin” (cf. Hebrews 11:25), so that God might be glorified in her and she might experience the joy that comes from knowing and obeying Him. Amen.