Walking with the Wise #492: Difficult People

“As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,


so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.”
—Proverbs 26:21

Navigating the choppy waters of personality differences is never easy. There are as many difficult personalities as there are people—nevertheless, it is the contentious man or woman who is most problematic. Anyone who has ever worked with one knows exactly what I mean. Prone to fight over the most mundane of issues, they seem to delight in causing problems. Like sand in an engine, they can destroy joy, wreck organizations, and provoke hostility in the most amicable of people.

The best approach, if it's in your power, is to remove them or yourself from your life, group, or organization. But if that is not possible, then you must ask God for wisdom and discernment in how to deal with, approach, ignore, or confront them. Sometimes it involves a gentle word, other times it may mean something else entirely—such as a personal confrontation, rebuke, or admonishment.

Interpersonal conflict is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and look for warning signs before it develops. Entertaining, employing, or working with a quarrelsome person can cause multitudinous distractions and conflicts that are best dealt with by preventing them from ever happening in the first place, which is what this proverb is warning us of. Stop it before it starts, because just as charcoal flames when it's put into hot embers and wood causes a fire to rage, so does a quarrelsome man kindle frustration at the most basic of levels.

Lord, please give us wisdom to know how to deal with difficult people. Give me the courage to confront quarrelsome people when needed. Give me discernment to know when I should be quiet. And help me to see if I am being that way to other people. May the aroma of Christ emanate from me, and when others see me, may they see Jesus and be drawn to the Savior accordingly. Amen.