Walking with the Wise #281: Being Neighborly

“Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin;
anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster.”
—Proverbs 17:19 (NLT)

Remember Mr. Rogers? He was the quiet cardigan man whose friendliness and gentle nature made its way into almost every home with children in America. The theme song of his show still lives on:

“It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

It's a neighborly day in this beautywood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?

Won't you please,
Won't you please,
Please won't you be my neighbor?”

Rogers captured something that is quickly disappearing in our modern, breakneck, privatized world—that is, being a neighbor. I grew up in an age and neighborhood with large front porches and small backyards. People socialized with one another, walked around town and would strike up a conversation with passersby. Not so anymore. We only need to look at the newest housing developments to see how the focus has shifted. There is little or no front porch, a large garage, and a larger, fenced-in, privatized backyard. We have transitioned from a “get to know you” culture to a “stay-outta-my-business” one. We are commuters who spend a great deal of time in a car, driving back and forth from our workplaces to our homes, desiring to be alone rather than interact with our neighbors. No longer do we seek community from our neighbors, but from those who are in our social network—and are united to us by an idea, hobby, education, ethnicity, etc. And while there are advantages to this arrangement, we need to recover the idea of being a neighbor.

The Bible covers everything we could ever need to know, and “how to be a neighbor” is one of those topics that today’s proverb addresses. It begins with, “Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin.” But in Hebrew it literally reads, “The one who loves an offense loves a quarrel.” At first glance, we might think that quarreling is what the proverb has in mind, but this sentence must be looked at in conjunction with the second part of the verse: “anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster.” Present in this is the thought that we will inevitably get into an argument or some sort of conflict with our neighbor. We may feel offended or wronged or that we have offended or wronged someone and then try and protect ourselves from them, rather than to apologize or seek any form of reconciliation. So, we try to insulate ourselves from them by creating a “high wall” so as to keep them out. But to trust in such thinking is shortsighted. A high fence isn’t going to keep out a wronged neighbor. The conflict hasn’t been resolved; therefore the tension continues to simmer and escalate, eventually erupting in something far worse—a lawsuit, physical altercation, etc. Rather than let such conflicts stay under the surface or try and avoid it by shielding yourself from your neighbor, it is better to have good neighborly relationship with them in the hope of them coming to faith in Christ through the impact of your life.

What kind of neighbor are you? What kind of neighbor do you think your neighbors would say you are? Are you holding on to a conflict with them? Are you trying to insulate yourself? Seek their good so that they can see Christ in you, so that they might be drawn to Him, as Peter wrote:

“Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world”—1 Peter 2:9 (NLT).

May it be so for each of us. May God use us to reach them for His glory and our joy. Amen.