Walking with the Wise #276: Before It Breaks Out

“Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate,
so stop before a dispute breaks out.”

—Proverbs 17:14 (NLT)

Quarreling rarely ends well, and those who have been in them know the painful scars and unintended consequences that often result. It may have begun with a personal slight (intended or otherwise), verbal jab, misunderstanding, or a desire for justice. It then takes root in the imagination as the offended party plays over in his mind the offending words or action. Words become pregnant with unintended meanings, actions are distorted, and motives are called into question.

As a pastor, I have seen my fair share of conflicts, and most of the time they started over a very minor issue that quickly escalated to a fevered pitch, where verbal arrows were shot with vitriolic hatred and venomous intent—purposely designed to provoke and hurt those at whom they were aimed.

The best tack to take for quarrels is to nip them in the bud while they are still in the germination phase—before the offended party has a chance to retaliate. Anything after that becomes much more difficult to de-escalate. Which is what today’s proverb is talking about. Often a dispute begins very small—like a leak in a dam. But, if permitted to continue, the dam itself will burst, thus not only hurting those who were originally part of the disagreement, but many others in the process.

The best attitude we can have is that of Christ. He is our example of how to speak truth in a loving manner. His ministry was rife with misunderstanding and His actions and motives were continually called into question. But He continued on and prevailed. He did not try to defend Himself; rather, He took the form of a servant (Philippians 2:4-8), and did not shy away from speaking the truth in love. In fact, He was quite bold and brazen, calling those in sin to repent without a care of being thought intolerant or offensive. However, He was still considered to be gentle and lowly in spirit—and one whom those who were of low estate wanted to be around.

If we are to follow Christ’s example, we should avoid quarrels when it is in our power to do so. Nevertheless, we should be bold yet gentle, unflinching and resolute, while conciliatory and compassionate—helping mediate disputes and disagreements. May we pursue peace and model peace, yet be willing to step in and help others when necessary for God’s glory and your joy. Amen.