Fighting the Flesh #27: Playing House

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”—Genesis 2:24

On November 18, 2010, Time magazine printed an article entitled, “Who Needs Marriage? A Changing Institution.” The article was based upon findings from a survey by the Pew Research center in conjunction with Time, which found that marriage is on the decline although still held in high regard. One of the subtle shifts found was the dramatic rise in couple’s cohabitating with one another before marriage. And it appears that the trend is on the rise. The question is not so much what society says about the institution of marriage, but what does God say? Moreover what does God say about couples who are putting off getting married in favor of playing house?

The Bible is clear that marriage is part of the created order, the foundation of society. God performed the first marriage in the book of Genesis,

“So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

‘This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.’

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”—Genesis 2:21-24.

The marriage takes place when the man leaves his father and mother and holds fast to his wife in the sexual union. Most often what is lost in postmodern society is the underlying structure within the sexual union. The man leaves his home, commits to his wife, and the two come together to form a family. But today, such an understanding has been distorted and elevated the sexual union above the commitment of marriage. This is due in part because of the failure of many marriages in the past. The current generation has seen the effects of divorce and rather than participate in marriage, has chosen to simply partake of its fruits rather than entering into the commitment. Although this view is becoming increasingly common, the logic is flawed. For it was not the marriage commitment that was wrong, but the unrealistic expectations of what marriage meant to the husband and wife. Our society has promoted an individualistic selfish impulse, devoid of any understanding of sacrifice or commitment, and has elevated the pursuit of pleasure to disastrous proportions, whereby marriage is seen as a temporary contract existing only as long as the happiness lasts. Then it is to be declared null and void the moment a spouse’s desires are no longer being met. Young adults today, collateral damage of such hedonistic choices, prefer to simply have friends with benefits, or temporary socially arranged domestic sexual contracts so they can pretend to be married. And they are ready to exit once it becomes apparent that the relationship is no longer beneficial to the individuals involved.

But such an understanding is completely against Scripture and the created order ordained by God—family as defined by God existing between one man and one woman. Within the holy covenant of marriage something amazing occurs—a oneness takes place between the husband and wife that is seen in the sexual union and holds a permanence as long as the two are both living (Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:39). To divorce, save for sexual immorality, is to sin and violate God’s holy covenant of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9).

The marriage union is a unification of spirit, which is a mirror of what occurs between Christ and His church, and which will be seen in its fullness at the end of time at the marriage supper of the lamb (Revelation 19:6-11). Paul explained this mystery in his letter to the Ephesians when he wrote,

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”—Ephesians 5:28-32.

To pollute this holy union by engaging in it outside of the marriage relationship, either by fornication or by adultery is to sin against God and oneself,

“Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body”—1 Corinthians 6:16-20.

To be married then is to honor God, to participate in unity with another person in a manner similar to God Himself with His church. To cohabitate is to denigrate God’s covenant of marriage, trivialize Christ’s salvific atonement on the cross, and marginalize what occurs between Christ and His church. Cohabitation also devalues both the individuals involved, destroys any foundation and security for children, and invites a degree of sorrow into one’s life.

God desires that men and women get married and have kids, as the prophet Malachi wrote, “Did He not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring”—Malachi 2:15.

Although there may be some that will not get married (1 Corinthians 7:6-8, 32, 38), or cannot have children—marriage is the greatest example of Christ’s relationship with His church, the most secure and stable environment for children, and one of the greatest means by which we can bring glory to God. May all who are single seek to be married, and may all who are married find delight in their union. And for all of those who have chosen to play house instead of be married, repent and embrace God’s design for love and marriage rather than settling for an empty substitute. And may God receive glory because of it. Amen.