Fighting the Flesh #20: Lead Your Family

“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”—1 Corinthians 11:3

God commanded men to lead their wives because it’s part of God’s created order, as Paul wrote in our passage for today. The head of man is Christ, and the head of a wife is her husband. While such thoughts are completely foreign and antithetical to today’s culture, it is God’s established decree for men and women.

It’s not that men are better or greater. When God created Eve, He did not create her from Adam’s foot, or head, but from his side—showing that men and women are equal. And while men and women are equal in Christ, they nevertheless have different roles in the home and in the church.

Our world is at war with the biblical understanding regarding the roles of men and women. And it is supremely important we understand the roles that God has for us, for in pursuing and performing the roles that God has designed, we find our greatest joy. Several years ago, some Christian men and women came together to form a document that would explain and clarify, from a biblical standpoint, the biblical roles for both men and women. The fruit of that meeting came to be known as The Danvers Statement. They wrote,

“The Fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women (Gen 3:1-7, 12, 16).

In the home, the husband's loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife's intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility.

In the church, sin inclines men toward a worldly love of power or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and inclines women to resist limitations on their roles or to neglect the use of their gifts in appropriate ministries.

In the family, husbands should forsake harsh or selfish leadership and grow in love and care for their wives; wives should forsake resistance to their husbands' authority and grow in willing, joyful submission to their husbands' leadership (Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19; Tit 2:3-5; 1 Pet 3:1-7)”—The Danvers Statement

God desires that men lead their wives, but alas, most do not. And most women desire their husbands to lead, but for whatever reason, they don’t. Whether it’s because they don’t want to, don’t care, are lazy, or just plain don’t know how, they become passive bystanders, failing in their God-given responsibility to lead their homes.

Some men go to the opposite extreme and rather than being passive bystanders, they become domestic dictators, tyrants who rule over their family’s with an iron fist, keeping both their wife and children in submission through fear and intimidation. Such leading is not the biblical kind of leading—it’s a perversion of a husband and father’s role. God wants husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (see Ephesians 5:25) and lead in humility and sacrificial love.

How can a husband lead his wife and children? It doesn’t matter what stage of life he is in, whether he is about to be married, newly married, or been married for 75 years, it’s never too late to lead. It begins with seeking God Himself—his own personal walk with Christ. It’s just like being on a plane right before takeoff. The flight attendant explains what happens in case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, and the parent’s job is to take the mask and put theirs on first and then their child's. There is a spiritual parallel—a husband and father must take care of his walk with Christ before he can take care of others. He must take Paul’s words to Timothy seriously, “Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers”—1 Timothy 4:16.

Secondly, a husband is to be a conscious student of his wife and kids. He must learn how to show love to them in a way they understand. Discover what makes them tick, and then seek the proper means to show and display that love.

The last way he can lead is through consistency. The husband who leads is one who consistently seeks to lead over time by applying all of the above. The more a husband learns to live before Christ and love his wife and kids, the more naturally he will lead them in a way that is honoring to God.

May God enable all of us to lead, not as domestic dictators, or passive bystanders, but as loving husbands and fathers who want our wives and children to share in the joy of knowing and loving our great God and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.