Walking with the Wise #112: Makes A Marriage

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
—Proverbs 12:4

Character counts. And in marriage, there is no greater determinant of the quality of that marriage than the character of the husband and wife. That is why Solomon wrote that an “excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” An excellent wife, a wife of great moral fiber, is a wife that will bring honor to her husband, but a wife who is wicked, arrogant, vain, immodest, indecent, without discretion, a busybody, or a gossip, will be painful and a drain on her husband. If she is a constant nag, or is prone to cultivating close relationships with members of the opposite sex, or is harboring feelings for other men, then she will inevitably bring great pain.

If you are a single man looking for a wife, then you are looking for a good thing, as Solomon wrote: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD”—Proverbs 18:22. But when you look for a wife, make sure that you are not distracted by her beauty. The most important thing to look for is her relationship with God, as the proverb states:

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
 but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised”—Proverbs 31:30.

If you are a single woman, then make sure that you are cultivating your inner beauty, so that you might be a woman whom God delights in. Whether you are single or married, strive to be a woman who cares more about beauty of the soul than the flesh. As Peter wrote,

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious”—1 Peter 3:3-4.

God made men and women different, and that is a good thing. Men cannot fulfill the role of women, nor can women replace the need for men. The Bible lays out the role each is to have, and whenever we deviate from that role we will unavoidably suffer pain because of it. A better way of living involves us embracing the roles God has laid out for us in His Word, and making sure that our beauty and strength comes not from the externals, but from the internal—the matters of the heart. For it is the heart devoted to Him that God delights in. A heart devoted to God does not suffer through the aging process as does the physical—a woman’s beauty and a man’s strength. Better that we take the time to cultivate and train ourselves to be godly—which has benefit for both the present and the future. As Paul wrote,

“…for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come”—1 Timothy 4:8.

May the Lord our God guide our most intimate of relationships—that of a husband and wife. May all who are single be discerning in the selection of a mate, making sure to look at the heart more than anything else. May those who are married seek to be godly men and women, making every effort to cultivate the marriage relationship and keep the marriage bed pure (cf. Hebrews 13:4). And may our marriages serve as matrixes for God’s glory, where we learn who God is through acts of humble service, and may each marriage display in a greater way, our Lord and Savior’s great love for His bride, the church. Amen.