Walking with the Wise #468: Appropriate Timing

“Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart

is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather
or pouring vinegar in a wound.”

—Proverbs 25:20 (NLT)

We all know someone who has gone through a tragedy. And well-meaning Christians have tried to encourage or help them in the midst of it by saying,

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”—Romans 8:28.

Others have said that we are to “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice”—Philippians 4:4. “Rejoicing” doesn’t mean that you always have a happy disposition and smile on your face (after all, I don’t think Jesus was smiling on the way to the cross). It means that we have an inward joy that is present, a hope beyond this life that this is not all there is. It is the knowledge that comes from hope and faith that things are working together for a reason, even when we may never be able to know what the reason may have been.

Such thinking may be well intentioned and while the verses are true, the timing may be ill advised. Trying to cheer a person up, telling them to rejoice, or saying that God is working their situation together for their good while they are mourning the death of a loved one is painful—like taking someone’s coat in cold weather, and pouring vinegar on a wound.

The Bible says that there are appropriate times for everything under heaven of which is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance”—Ecclesiastes 3:4. When the appropriate thing to do is weep, we need apply the words of Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” 

The truths of Scripture must always be in the forefront of our minds as we seek to glorify God and help others—but it must be the full-counsel of God, not isolated Scriptures divorced from their greater contexts. Be discerning in your timing. Weep with those who are hurting and let them know that you care. Ask God for discernment and for opportunities to help them, and you will find Him using you to speak to help, bless, and encourage them in fantastic ways. Amen.