Walking with the Wise #459: Conflict Counseling

“Don’t take a matter to court hastily.

Otherwise, what will you do afterward
if your opponent humiliates you?
Make your case with your opponent
without revealing another’s secret;
otherwise, the one who hears will disgrace you,
and you’ll never live it down.”
—Proverbs 25:8-10 (HCSB)

Conflict is inevitable in life. Our propensity toward pride, feeling wronged, and wanting justice for those whom we believe have wronged us is commonplace. But, before we seek justification for our wounded pride, our responsibility should be to understand and correct any misunderstanding, so as to avert conflict. Correcting misunderstanding is key, but it must be in the context of a personal relationship. Great harm is done when we share the wrong we have against our neighbor with a friend so as to build support for our opinion, or get them to turn against the neighbor as a means of turning the situation to our favor.

We have a propensity to be hotheaded and seek justification before all of the facts are in, which could result in our being humiliated publicly once both parties give their sides of the story. If we are shown to be wrong, we will never live down the humiliation. It will haunt us for the rest of our lives. If we believe that we have been wronged, the right thing is for us to go and speak to those who have wronged us. We need to share, listen, and try and resolve it before it escalates to the point of court and we are disgraced.

How do you resolve your personal conflicts? Do you go and talk to the person in order to resolve it? Or do you react prematurely by gossiping about your neighbor with friends so as to tear them down? For the Christian, Jesus must be the Lord of every personal relationship we have, and our lives ordered by the Word of God. Is Jesus the Lord of your relationships? Are you seeking to solve conflict by the instructions given in His Word? Do so and don’t delay! Knowing that as relationships are given over to Him, conflicts are avoided or resolved and His name is glorified, we will experience the wondrous joy for having done what He has purposed us to do. Amen.