Lies We Believe #20: If Somebody Hurts You, You Deserve To Get Even

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”—Ephesians 4:32

We live in a survival-of-the-fittest world, where it is kill or be killed. We know all too well what it means to work and live with those who hurt us—intentionally or otherwise. Our natural inclination is to seek vengeance or justice, but if somebody hurts us, do we really deserve to get even? How should the follower of Christ respond whenever he or she is hurt? The first step is to offer forgiveness. As it says in the book of Ephesians, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” We must offer forgiveness because we realize that Christ has forgiven us. If we refuse to forgive, then we are keeping ourselves from receiving the forgiveness of our sins from Christ. As someone once said, “Forgiveness is a bridge we all must cross. If we tear it down by refusing to forgive, then we cannot cross it to receive.”

Undoubtedly, the question comes to our mind, “Does offering forgiveness to someone mean that the person gets off scot-free? I forgive and forgive, but the person never changes. What am I supposed to do when they continue to take advantage of my forgiveness?” Forgiveness means letting go of bitterness and resentment for whatever evil has been done to them, but forgiveness differs from reconciliation, which is necessary to restore a relationship that has been hurt by sin,

“Differing from forgiveness, reconciliation is a process that is conditioned on the attitude and actions of the offender. Its aim is restoration of a broken relationship--which is often a process. Those who commit significant and repeated offenses must be willing to recognize that reconciliation is a process. In many cases, even if the offender confessed his wrong to the one he hurt, and appealed for forgiveness, the offended person could justifiably say, ‘I forgive you, but it might take some time for me to regain trust and restore our relationship.’ The evidence of genuine forgiveness is freedom from a vindictive or vengeful response (see: Romans 12:17-21).”—“Forgiveness is one thing; Reconciliation is another,” http://theresurgence.com/steve_cornell_2007_forgiveness_is_one_thing

There may be consequences to the action of wrong, even when there is forgiveness, especially if what is done is criminal. If a man were to rape a woman, she may forgive him, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get arrested and tried in a court of law. Or it doesn’t mean that trust is automatically reestablished and there doesn’t need to be some type of intervention. If a husband hits his wife, and then cries, repents, and asks forgiveness, but then repeats the process over and over, then forgiveness may occur when asked for, but that doesn’t mean there are not serious consequences to his sin. Trust may take a great deal of time to be reestablished, and there may need to be time for the husband to get help on knowing what it means to control his anger and how to treat his wife.

We are to seek and offer forgiveness, because we know that Christ has forgiven us. Our sin required God’s justice to be meted out on Christ at Calvary. He paid the price that we could not, and offered us forgiveness through His blood. We are to,

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”—Romans 12:17-21.

We seek justice, but not vengeance. We place it in the hands of God, offering forgiveness and seek, as far as it depends upon us, reconciliation. May we forsake the lie of the world that says we must get even, seeking to obey Christ in all things so that we might continually experience the joy and delight of knowing and being known by Him. Amen.